Unconditional Love

I guess I know more about Unconditional Limits than Unconditional Love. I think it was the Humanistic Psychologists -- maybe most notably Rogers (that's Carl, not Fred) -- who spoke of Unconditional Positive Regard. In lots of professional relationships, we have certain unconditional limits ... notably ... we don't make love and we don't make war. And, indeed, with the students in my classrooms and the visitors to my office, I've managed not to beat anyone over the head and to keep my pants on. Yeah, Howard!

But this unconditional love thing? That seems less and less appealing as the years pass by. Oh, I accept the pressing need to love a baby whether it has a full or a clean diaper? ... says mama or papa first? I accept a similarly central kindness in accepting our children and, indeed, loving them even when they mess up. As my kids were growing up I had the notion of a FUB board (yes! that's Fuck Up Board). I told myself that the Three Little Spawns were entitled to Fuck-Up royally 135 times between them before I let'em have it with the Wrath of Howard. I succeeded quite a bit and -- by my calculations -- they only Fucked-up 87 times. I could tell myself, therefore, that I was blessed ... and I HAVE been blessed.
\
Still, in the Last Quarter something shifts. If adolescents consider themselves immortal then their parents fore quite some time imagine that the kids have an equally forever-time to get things straight. Early marriage is like that, too. The Beatles said: We can work it out.  They preached to us about the brevity of life and the foolishness of fussing and fighting. And it's more difficult to be quite that forgiving -- for some reason -- with kids who are soon to be AARP members!

Boundaries and limits creep up on you in the Fourth Quarter. There may be a lot of time to get it right ... but it's not forever. I do my best to still offer up to those near and dear to me "the presumption of good intentions." The Ethics of the Fathers -- two millenia ago -- admonished all to judge others to the side of righteousness. Innocent until proven guilty.

Fair enough but nobody has forever to get it right!

Fly right, my fine feathered friends, fly right.

I'll talk of my biggest bugbear, tomorrow -- if I can remember it.

Vaia con Dios ...