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Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Inmates and Guards

It was 1994 and I was consulting in an inpatient facility for people who had lost their minds ... kinda literally ... most often to car accidents. Maybe it was the thought of driving a couple of hundred miles, today, that brought the wanderers from that facility to mind. M and I were invited to attend a graduation kinda thing, tonight, for one of our younger grandkids. How can one say "no" to an adorable little kid who plays a saxophone just-about-bigger than her and sings songs from Rogers and Hammerstein's OKLAHOMA with Grandpa while the adults are discussing important shit.

Any case, my mind went back to the folk with Traumatic Brain Injuries ... people with memories significantly shorter than the vast majority of Last Quarter types who, as I've said before, cannot find where they hid their Ginkgo and no longer recall whether they take Lunesta to Keep it Up or Levitra to Go Lay Down and Go To Sleep!

Back to the inpatient place. I remember one morning, I had come to consult with a much distraught Care Worker, K. J, a man in his mid-30's in her care, had just peed out his third floor window. It hadn't been a direct hit on K but spattered she was. I had never thought of it before but I realized that the cone of pee-splatter increases quite a bit from three stories. J may have not known either or maybe he was inclined to direct ... his attention, might we say ... to K. It had just been the previous week that K called me in a panic.

K: I don't know what to do with J.

Me: What's up?

K: I came into his room and he was "y'know" with B.

Me: He was y'knowing?

K: Yeah, you know.

Me: I really don't.

K: Well. He was on his knees in front of B ... Y'know-now?

Me: He was shining his shoes?

K: Not funny. You know exactly what I mean.

Well, I guess I did and I was just being a cheeky bastard. But sometimes I do feel as if I'm back working inpatient with J shpritzing from 30 feet above the fray ... following the elegant principle that: "He who pisses, never misses." Any case, I remembered this ditty from 20+ years ago.


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