Invitations in this Morning's Mail

I still get -- as a denizen of the Fourth Quarter -- invitations in my e-mail. Some are from Nigeria to join the wealthy ex-pats in business deals ... Some are from a group that promotes young Russian and Ukrainian hotties who'll keep me warmer than Avishag the Shulamite ever kept David in HIS dotage. This morning I got one from a guy I know a little bit who is part of a group having a banquet supporting some organization in NYC ... seats were $1,000-$100,000, though I had the fantasy that better-padded ones might be available, as well, for Koch, Koch and Adelson. I got an invitation to join a LinkedIn network by someone who is too old to be my grandchild, but not by much. Hell, I consulted in their high school (listed on their Profile) before their parents got there, maybe. No explanation ... just ... "I'd like to join your network." What happened to the Second-Person Impersonal with a respectful capital-Y ... You:

Dear OldSter-Sir ... While I know that You must be old and tired 

and maybe even busy, 

I would really appreciate You joining little-ole-me 

in a network for a purpose I'm willing to share with you

some other time.

Well, dammit. What's the purpose? Wanna go running in the fields with me in Spring with the young girls from Russia or the married women in my town who are just dying to meet me? Then I get an invitation asking if I wanted to present at a conference? I wrote back, thanking for the invitation and wondering about how much time might be allocated for such a presentation. He matter-of-factly responded:

"16-18 minutes."

16-18 minutes? 16-18 minutes! I used to stutter. If I regress, it could take me that long stating my full name or walking back from the MEN'S ROOM or emptying my bladder, for that matter ... y'know, in the room with the homunculus on the door ... the one not wearing a kilt ... any of those could take me $u(&i#G 18 minutes!

Tradition has it that the Temple in Jerusalem built on the ground that people were killed over last week was destroyed because of the gratuitous enmity that was exacerbated by a mis-addressed invitation between two guys who disliked each other ... Kamtza and Bar Kamtza. Enough invitations!

Though, as I think back, the Nigerian invitations WERE kinda sweet. Y'know ...

"... my Husband ran all the oil companies here, 

sacked away $Millions of pilfered Peso's 

and I chose your name from 6.7 Billion others to share it with 

because I know that you're ... 

 "Linus the Lion; King of the Jungle ... handsome, brave and intellekatektual."

Ach du Lieber ... I think I'll spend the day in response to my youngest child's E-vite to attend her Vegetarian Thanksgiving Dinner ... all my kids, in-law kids, and grandspawn will be there and I suspect this Last Quarter guy can overtake any escaped Braized Tofu and Three Bean Salad that may run amok during the celebration!

Happy holiday to all celebrants.