The Disenfranchised

Do I have a vote in what we do? Should I have a preference. More and more of the visitors who occasion my office -- statistically speaking, older men and younger women ... but both genders -- should to question whether it's cool to have wishes, nevermind demands.

Maybe it was yesterday that I dropped a riddle on line in a discussion group:

                         A Carpenter, a cook, an electrician and a gardener go into a shower naked
                         and ready to clean up after a long day. Only one man comes out. Whazzup?

A 60'ish woman posted back that she didn't get it. I explained.

Sorry, Josefine .... It's the male version of the harried wife
syndrome. For those of us blessed/cursed with longer lives and spouses
that hold on till "The End of Days," there is what appears to be a statistically apparent
difference between men and women's lives.

Women, many of them here in this Culture, are the great jugglers of the
early years. They wear a half-dozen different hats and this is often
the case during adolescence of the kids, as well. When the kids leave,
some of that changes. The Old Guy is home more often ... sharing the
cooking and feeding of only several mouths, unless a previous
generation moves in or one of the orbiting kids loses altitude.

Many men, myself included, until the kids moved out could use the kids
as indentured helpers .... When they're gone (again, I am speaking in
grossly general terms), shoveling the walk, electrical jobs, replacing
subfloors,  roofs, just something as simple as carrying big non-hardy
plants in at the end of their outside season .... all these tasks are now
-- at least sometimes -- solitary ones.

The riddle plays on all those jobs (and throw in work, if not retired) falling to
the same person .... the pater familias occasionally mourns that all
those tasks fall on him and the kids leaving has more than an emotional
component.

I, for instance, when I'm doing electrical work or need some editorial
assistance would appreciate and, indeed, mourn the missing set of hands and/or eyes. As to the
cooking, M did most of it from 1965-1994 ... The years we had kids
running around or bivouacked in the house, anyway. I took over my half
of that from the mid-90's. ... And kept the electrical, tree-trimming
(not talkin' tinsel on a cut tree but chainsaws on a fallen one),
carpentry, inside and outside gardening, ....

The riddle is me feeling a bit for myself, I suppose.


So, there I was Wednesday night .... the zone-valve on the furnace was bad ... need to remove and refit a new one and wire same into the thermostat system.  Struggled for a bit. "Do I just hold screwdriver in one hand and light in other?" "Do I ask M to come down into the Belly of the Beast to assist? ... 'Be my Valentine, please, and be a dear in our old cellar!"

Any case, I'm finding more and more men caught up in feeling they can do it all ... or must do it all ... and must never -- I say never -- ask for help. Including cutting up that cherry tree that fell under the weight of the ice-storm .... shoveling -shoveling-shoveling ....cooking .... Nevermind "chewing gum and walking, at same time," what about "Balding and wielding a chain saw in the same moments of our tender lives, just before consulting with your kids on the complexities of middle age and taking off the requisite tie at the end of a long day."

"OK, OK ... Just feeling a little sorry for myself. I'll get over it."

WOOF