A Little Guilt

A little guilt never hurt anybody. I've heard just about every Mediterranean-origins person who has visited my office talk of their Mothers and "the guilt trip they laid on me." Whether it was designated Italian Guilt or Jewish Guilt or Greek Guilt or Catholic Guilt .... it was reported as something that interfered with their lives ... "Mom really did a trip on me!" ... or somesuch accusation. .................. I have already whined on for several years now on the healthful function of sadness .................. CAN this loony-toon think GUILT is healthy, too? ...................Reminds me of the song from Rogers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma. "I'd like to say a word for the cowboy. The road he treads is difficult and stony. He rides for days on end with just a pony for a friend. 'I sure am feelin' sorry for the pony'" .............. Well! I (verbally) beat up on a 90 year old cowboy Monday and Tuesday morning I was feeling guilt. "Good job, Mom!" I sent him an apology.  ......................... An old doctor, no longer with us ... Hans Loewald .... used to separate guilt from atonement. Guilt, as I recall his distinction made in 1978, was the feeling that I've done someone harm, wish I hadn't and wish there was some way to make them whole again. It is a mental experience that promotes goodwill in our societies, in spite of our human propensities to strike out and the fact that when we dance, we sometimes step on toes. ........................... Atonement, he thought on the other hand, was the attempt to offer up as sacrifice a part of ourselves in a magical attempt to restore the other person to wholeness by punishing ourselves. If I may: Cutting off our nose to save someone else's face. ..............................
What to say: Magic doesn't work ... well, at least not that magic. ......................... Years ago, the wife of a famous pair of writing physicians (Spurgeon English and Geral Pearson) spoke of her husband's and his "friend's" falling out. They had been, again, friends and coauthors and founders of a training institution. Then, something happened and they pretty much restricted their rare communications to grunts at professional meetings. Ellen English had few comments but in true maternal fashion opined: "And they should have known better." ...................... After writing about my retribution against the old Geezer, I did send that apology and then, as time permitted, visited a listserv to which I belong. The mean-spiritedness was in full bloom among people who were mostly Players in the Last Quarter, have extensive training in the illnesses of the human Soul, and shoulda/oughta/coulda known better. Geez! I wish there had been more of those guilt-trip Moms teaching their boys and girls who grew up during or shortly after the Great War that prompted Rogers and Hammerstein to pen "Oh, the farmers and the cowboys should be friends." A little guilt potentially goes a long way.