Some Constituent Parts of Health

Someone called me, this morning ... struggling with life, suffering through the day to day madnesses of having an 86 year old mother with dementia and not-a-so-great personality thyat keeps getting her kicked out of one old-timers place after another. She was really suffering with all the complexities this entails and with all the calls that come in .... 'Your Mom did it, again. We're kicking her out.'

It reminded me of some of the constituent parts of health ... three in particular.

(1) The recognition that feelings are not forced upon us directly by external events. Years ago, there was a coffee-house ... and old-time coffee-house with music ... in Buffalo. It was owned by a guy named Jerry Ravens. I remember his name and not his music ... I like to think largely due to a bit of graffitti in the bathroom. One person wrote: My Mother made me a homosexual. Another person apparently came along and penned: If I get her the wool, will she make me one, too.

Most people use such expressions as: You made me this or that .... angry ... or happy ... or .... Maybe external events catalyze certain feelings ... but they don't make them. Exploring the sources inside of our feelings may be the beginning of wisdom.

(2) Talking about exploration. Explaining feelings don't get us anywhere ... but exploring them does a great deal. Feeling our way into 'sadness' or 'happiness' ... pain and pleasure ... lets us feel what's most human in us at the only moment we have ... now. The goal isn't to get rid of feelings .... but to let them visit us ... like a wave ... flow over and through us ... yielding a sense of wholeness.

(3) The third thing that came to my mind talking to this woman was the ability to play .... play has at least two meanings ... one is the form it takes in, say, 'kids' play' .... For two hours on Saturday, a visiting three year old began to play with Melmo ... a funny-talking old man who claimed to be three years old, just like her .... Her older brother already was hesitant to allow someone Playing in the Last Quarter to pretend to be 3 years old and to talk with a squeaky voice. Losing that form of play is tragic ... keeping it may be a bit of health.

The other meaning the word 'play' carries is 'give' .... without that play, bridges break, houses crack and families splinter.

All three of these constituent parts of health can endure well into the Last Quarter of Life. Play on!